What It's Like to Feel Numb

Numb /nəm/ adjective

Deprived of the power of sensation.

One might also think of the Linkin Park song. 

For most, we think of that tingling sensation.  Those pins and needles that we literally try to shake off.  It's usually when we are sitting in some odd position for too long.  the typical body parts are hands, feet, and even your ass cheek. Sometimes, this is funny.  Have you ever tried to walk on a numb leg or foot?  It's not easy to do, but it's pretty comedic to watch and feels funny (that is, funny weird -  although funny in the laughing sense is also possible here depending on the person). This is physical numbness.  For most, this is what numb is.  

For myself, and many others, feeling or being numb has a secondary meaning.  For the most part, we have all felt this sensation of pins and needles, and we understand that feeling of being numb.  The second part is perhaps the true meaning to numb.  While numb is to mean lack of feeling, we still feel something physical when a particular extremity "falls asleep" so to speak.  Emotions, however, do not have the same type of side effect as a foot does when they fall asleep.  Your emotions become a straight line.  Imagine, if you will, a heart beat being monitored.  You see the peaks and drops of the beat.  This is normal.  This is what emotion should typically replicate.  Now imagine that the heart stops.  The line no longer moves up or down.  It's a straight line.  One long, resounding beep.  No inflection.  This is what numb is. 

This is not to say that when emotions are flat, that our physical bodies are immune to pain or sensation.  We still feel a stubbed toe.  Hell, that might even provoke a feeling of frustration.  For the most part, our emotions are in a comatose stage.  We still function, but not to the full extent.  Almost like our emotions forgot to wake up when we did in the morning. 

This is also not to say that we don't put on a good show.  We can smile.  We can laugh at the right jokes - maybe even crack one ourselves.  This is fake.  This is the show.  This is the act that we have been practicing for years, because we are tired of people asking us if we are okay.  I never really did know how to answer that question.