I'm Feeling Myself
Many of you know that I have been and am still on a fitness journey. For the past few years, I have been focusing on changing my body.
I look around social media and what is advertised on the television, and most of what I see are ways to change your body. We are in a world full of people that are not happy or satisfied with their bodies. Many of us have been conditioned to want to see certain physical changes or attributes - that will override all else. This is where I was. I was so intent on changing my body because I thought that I always had to improve how I looked.
I would feel bad for not working out or eating more than my point or calorie count. I would start to focus on my imperfections, and I looked at them with disgust. I was ashamed of the tummy I had. My thighs were larger than I would have liked. I wanted to find any and all ways to get rid of my armpit fat. I was at a point where I did hate my body.
I would get mad at myself for getting a bit thicker during the holidays, for not losing weight every week for my WW weigh in, and even for bloating every time I got my period. My body was not making the physical changes that I wanted in the speed that I wanted it to happen. There was a change that did need to happen, but it wasn't physical.
During this time, I started following (and like really following - not just "click follow and scroll past their photos without reading what they have to say." I had been doing that for a while already) Healthy is The New Skinny (HNS) on Insagram. I primarily did this because I liked their clothing designs. From following HNS, I also found people like Katie Willcox (founder of HNS) and Julia (the face behind FitFatAndAllThat. These pages have some of the most beautiful women you will find on social media. The most beautiful aspect? These women love their bodies. They have stopped listening to what the world thinks, and started listening to themselves. This was where my journey for self love started.
Instead of counting all of my calories and worrying about much fat I am burning at the gym, I started doing more things that I found joy in. I would go out to eat with some friends and order something I knew that I would enjoy - not the lowest calorie dish on the menu. I would have a dark beer instead of a light beer, even though it was a high calorie and heavy beer. I did more of what I enjoy. Then I started doing yoga. I don't mean I did a few moves and left. I would spend about an hour in the studio doing a yoga flow (a series of yoga poses that are fluid). I would put on the softest sounds I could find, close my eyes, and forget about the time or if anyone would see me. In the simplest of terms, I let loose.
I am by no means a pro at this. In fact, I am very much a beginner, but I have found joy in this. I remember being worried that not lifting as much or running as fast would change me negatively. I didn't want to lose my strength or get more flabby. This is still a mindset that I am fighting. In my short time of doing yoga more regularly, I have felt more peace than I have in a while. I truly feel centered after a yoga flow. This is the start of most of my mornings as I feel that it sets the tone. Even when I am having a bad day, I am having a good day. I have a more positive outlook on my body, the day, and on life.
I would have never posted a photo of my stomach online. But here we are looking at my tummy, and I'm okay with it. I'm proud of this tummy. I'm proud of where my body is. I don't eat healthy and work out a lot because I hate my body. I love my body, and that's why I do it. I want to reward my body with good food and good feels.
I am gaining more balance physically and mentally. Not to mention, my anxiety has been ten times better on the days that I do wake up to do yoga. I am more at ease throughout the day and generally happier. Not only am I feeling better since doing yoga, but my flexibility is increasing, I am feeling stronger, and I'm not gaining more weight - I am actually losing weight. I still plan on lifting cause I do love weights, but I am going to start balancing my fitness practices with a little peace.
I can't say that doing yoga or following the right people on social media has changed my mindset completely, but I do think it's helping. Changing how you view your body will not happen over night. It will not happen because of what someone said on Twitter or Instagram. It's going to take sometime, and it's going to start with you. But this journey is worth it. It's worth for me, and it's worth it for you. You are worth it. You are beautiful. That's your starting point. Know that. Say that. Don't settle for less. Never settle for less, and most importantly, don't give yourself less. A healthy life starts with you loving yourself.
I wanted to lose weight.
I wanted to gain some muscle, but not too much.
I wanted to get a flatter stomach.
I wanted to see a physical change.
That was all that mattered to me.
I look around social media and what is advertised on the television, and most of what I see are ways to change your body. We are in a world full of people that are not happy or satisfied with their bodies. Many of us have been conditioned to want to see certain physical changes or attributes - that will override all else. This is where I was. I was so intent on changing my body because I thought that I always had to improve how I looked.I would feel bad for not working out or eating more than my point or calorie count. I would start to focus on my imperfections, and I looked at them with disgust. I was ashamed of the tummy I had. My thighs were larger than I would have liked. I wanted to find any and all ways to get rid of my armpit fat. I was at a point where I did hate my body.
I would get mad at myself for getting a bit thicker during the holidays, for not losing weight every week for my WW weigh in, and even for bloating every time I got my period. My body was not making the physical changes that I wanted in the speed that I wanted it to happen. There was a change that did need to happen, but it wasn't physical.
During this time, I started following (and like really following - not just "click follow and scroll past their photos without reading what they have to say." I had been doing that for a while already) Healthy is The New Skinny (HNS) on Insagram. I primarily did this because I liked their clothing designs. From following HNS, I also found people like Katie Willcox (founder of HNS) and Julia (the face behind FitFatAndAllThat. These pages have some of the most beautiful women you will find on social media. The most beautiful aspect? These women love their bodies. They have stopped listening to what the world thinks, and started listening to themselves. This was where my journey for self love started.
Instead of counting all of my calories and worrying about much fat I am burning at the gym, I started doing more things that I found joy in. I would go out to eat with some friends and order something I knew that I would enjoy - not the lowest calorie dish on the menu. I would have a dark beer instead of a light beer, even though it was a high calorie and heavy beer. I did more of what I enjoy. Then I started doing yoga. I don't mean I did a few moves and left. I would spend about an hour in the studio doing a yoga flow (a series of yoga poses that are fluid). I would put on the softest sounds I could find, close my eyes, and forget about the time or if anyone would see me. In the simplest of terms, I let loose.
I am by no means a pro at this. In fact, I am very much a beginner, but I have found joy in this. I remember being worried that not lifting as much or running as fast would change me negatively. I didn't want to lose my strength or get more flabby. This is still a mindset that I am fighting. In my short time of doing yoga more regularly, I have felt more peace than I have in a while. I truly feel centered after a yoga flow. This is the start of most of my mornings as I feel that it sets the tone. Even when I am having a bad day, I am having a good day. I have a more positive outlook on my body, the day, and on life.
I would have never posted a photo of my stomach online. But here we are looking at my tummy, and I'm okay with it. I'm proud of this tummy. I'm proud of where my body is. I don't eat healthy and work out a lot because I hate my body. I love my body, and that's why I do it. I want to reward my body with good food and good feels. I am gaining more balance physically and mentally. Not to mention, my anxiety has been ten times better on the days that I do wake up to do yoga. I am more at ease throughout the day and generally happier. Not only am I feeling better since doing yoga, but my flexibility is increasing, I am feeling stronger, and I'm not gaining more weight - I am actually losing weight. I still plan on lifting cause I do love weights, but I am going to start balancing my fitness practices with a little peace.
I can't say that doing yoga or following the right people on social media has changed my mindset completely, but I do think it's helping. Changing how you view your body will not happen over night. It will not happen because of what someone said on Twitter or Instagram. It's going to take sometime, and it's going to start with you. But this journey is worth it. It's worth for me, and it's worth it for you. You are worth it. You are beautiful. That's your starting point. Know that. Say that. Don't settle for less. Never settle for less, and most importantly, don't give yourself less. A healthy life starts with you loving yourself.
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